How to Order
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Use our order form.Print out the form and fill the blanks. Send this form along with payment via mail. |
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Need help?Call +64 (3) 555-8434. If our operators are occupied, just leave your name, phone number, willy size, and a good time to call you. |
Options
Stare at the thumbnails closely to view larger images.
Body Type
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Body 1: |
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Body 2: |
Head Type
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Head 1 |
Head 2 |
Head 3 |
Head 4 |
Head 5 |
Head 6 |
Fur Colour
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White |
Blonde |
Fawn |
Orange |
Brown |
Sable |
Black |
Belly Colour
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White |
Blonde |
Fawn |
Orange |
Brown |
Sable |
Black |
Eye Colour
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Black |
Red |
Demonic |
Cherenkov |
Nose Colour
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Black |
Red |
Pink |
Claw Colour
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White |
Black |
Chrome |
Black chrome |
Claw Type
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Nylon |
Iron |
Tungsten carbide |
CPU Model
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555 |
68060 |
Alpha |
Gibson |
Babbage |
Mammary Glands
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None |
Normal |
Tits like melons |
Areola Colour
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Brown |
Red |
Pink |
Willy Size
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None |
Small |
ANSI |
Large |
Horse-masher |
Prices
Standard Model: $3,999
Includes anal entry plus one other entry (oral or vaginal)
Deluxe Model: $4,249
Includes all 3 entries: Vaginal, Anal and Oral
Shipping: $50
(Within New Zealand). International orders are subject to a much higher freight fee. Please contact us for international rates and provide your shipping address.
Order Policies
Privacy
We handle every order with impeccable discretion. We will not sell your personal details to Microsoft, the CIA or any carpet cleaning company.
Shipping
All hamsters are shipped by standard freight in a rugged cardboard box. This box is far too big to fit in a Post Office box; we must have a proper street address instead. We will call you when your hamster is ready to be shipped.
Order Confirmation
We will confirm your order by telephone, fax, e-mail, snail mail, tightbeam television, a carrier pigeon, a heliogram, a certain pattern of stones at a designated place, a hamster-oriented crop circle, a tea leaf datagram, or a level 3 communications pentagram with the candles positioned according to RFC 18346.
Payment
We accept payment by cheque, money order, precious gems or metals, whisky, biscuits or first-borns.
Sales Terms
What you see is what you get. No one's been disappointed yet.
Assistance
If you have any questions or if you need help placing your order, please call +64 (3) 555-8434 or e-mail us.
Abysmal Derivations
66 Furry Lane
Lincoln, Canterbury, New Zealand
Tel: (03) 555-8434
Fax: (03) 555-8433
e-mail
