Willytune Squeaky Penis Calibration



  • Elastic – remains tight even after millions of operations
  • Heat Resistant – operates efficiently at temperatures up to 58°C
  • Water Resistant – to 200 metres
  • Washable – easy-to-clean fur fabric
  • Durable – can withstand over 200 lbs of thrust
  • Lifelike – anatomically correct, if better-endowed than most real hamsters
  • Realistic Feel – firm and squicky in all the right places
  • Smells and Tastes like the Real Thing
  • Flexible – can adopt new postures without disengaging
  • Sexy and Pleasurable – dramatically enhances sexual prowess
  • Safe – no risk of disease or nuclear catastrophe
  • Convenient – easily stored in a briefcase or codpiece
  • Relaxing and Comforting – undemanding, easy to feed and always around when you need it
  • Affordable – cheaper than a Cherry 2000

Elastic Flesh

This clip demonstrates the RealHamster's amazing ability to cope with seven inches even without the aid of duct tape. We use an articulated skeleton and an efficient layout of the hamster's cybernetic components.

[Video Clip]

There is no chance of a fuel explosion because the butane is not stored in a conventional tank. Instead, the fuel is confined to the porous marrow of the hamster's skeleton, made from our uniquely designed reticulated foam.

Accessory Kit

Each RealHamster comes with a complete accessory kit.

The kit includes Celtic Misht lubricant, Monty's perfume, duct tape, nipple clamps, a rocket-propelled butt plug and an operator's manual.

[Photo of kit]

The RealHamster accessory kit is not sold separately.


RealHamsters prefer Celtic Misht alcohol-based lubricant

[Image of label]

Celtic Misht prevents chafing, protects metals and starts wet engines! It's the № 1 rated lube!


The feet on our RealHamsters are engineered from sketches drawn by someone who once saw a hamster on the B.B.C. television show, The Young Ones.

[Photo] [Photo] [Photo]

Technical Data

Feature Body 1 Body 2
Fur material High quality fur fabric
Powerplant Fuel cell optimised for butane
Skeleton Stainless steel with reticulated foam-filled cavities for fuel storage
Length Over 7" Over 6½"
Weight 1.22 lbs (approx.) 1.12 lbs (approx.)
Thighs Standard or Thunder Thighs Standard or effete 'lil things
Fur colour White, blonde, orange, brown, sable or black
Belly colour White, blonde, orange, brown, sable or black
Eye colour Black, red, demonic or cherenkov
Nose colour Black, red or pink
Claw colour White, black, chrome or black chrome
Claw type Standard, iron or tungsten-carbide
CPU model 555, 68060, Alpha, Babbage or Gibson
Mammary glands None, normal or tits-like-melons
Areola colour Brown, red or pink
Willy size None, small, ANSI, large, or horse-masher
Vaginal entry Optional
Anal entry Mandatory
Oral entry Comes standard with all hamsters
Willytune Squeaky Penis Calibration